This is the first of four essays on Becoming. The second will focus on the journeys of Angel, Spike and Drusilla; the third on the re-souling debate and Xander’s Lie; the fourth on Buffy’s arc and final choice.
“Willow… channeling such potent magicks through yourself… it could open a door that you may not be able to close.”
Rupert Giles, 2×21 Becoming
There are few characters in Buffy the Vampire Slayer who undergo as radical a transformation over its seven seasons as Willow Rosenberg. The shy, awkward girl who let herself be bullied away from a water fountain at the start of Season One is the same woman who fights a God in Season Five, who nearly destroys the world in Season Six, who transforms the world in Season Seven. She changes so much, and yet always remains fundamentally Willow.
This episode is all about the moments in our lives – small and large – that determine its course, and here we hit upon a major transformative moment for Willow. This moment puts her on a new set of tracks, and carries her to a destination we would’ve never thought possible in episode one. Here, Willow opens a door that she will not be able to close.
One of Willow’s driving motivations – perhaps her most fundamental – is her need to be needed. To have a niche, a skill that others can make use of. To justify her own existence. We saw this right from her introductory scenes, where she became near-elated at the prospect of helping Buffy with her studies. Her academic intensity is driven by this need to prove her value to those around her.
It is this same need that fuels her other interests: her pre-existing skill with technology, and her future skill with magic. Curiosity is a factor for why Willow gets into both of these, but more important is the fact that she can use these skills to be of value to other people. She is fundamentally insecure about her value as a person, and her self-importance relies heavily on what others see in her – what use others can make of her.
“Buffy, I’m not anxious to go into a dark place full of monsters. But I do want to help. I need to.”
Willow Rosenberg, 1×01 Welcome to the Hellmouth
Willow is a character who has filled many roles and niches in the show thus far, and could go on to specialise in any one of them. In Season One, she primarily filled the role of the Damsel: being threatened in order to spur Buffy into action. Her being in peril spurred two of Buffy’s most significant choices in that season: making friends with the Scoobies in Welcome to the Hellmouth and going to face the Master in Prophecy Girl. But from The Harvest onwards we also see her fill a secondary role – the Tech Guy, who can assist the plot by hacking into whatever the plot needs her to hack into, and pull out the necessary exposition. She is eager to do this – to prove herself useful, to be of value to Buffy (and to Buffy).
As we have moved into season two, these roles have shifted slightly, and more have opened up. Though still often used as a Damsel, this role has been shared around more, being filled by Xander, by Cordelia, and even by Giles in this episode. She still performs the role of Tech Guy regularly, and that will continue. But there has been a budding arc this season that seems to have been setting up Willow as a teacher, or potentially a Watcher. In The Dark Age, Willow takes charge of research in the absence of Giles, forms the plan to save Jenny, and exhibits strong teacherly vibes when she scolds the bickering Xander and Cordelia. Buffy explicitly suggests at the episode’s end that Willow could be a Watcher.
“Hey! We don’t have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren’t with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!”
Willow Rosenberg, 2×08 The Dark Age
“I wasn’t sure it was gonna work.
Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers, 2×08 The Dark Age
“But it did. Hey! Maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher.”
In the last few episodes, we have seen quite a bit of Teacher Willow. We saw her take charge of Jenny’s class in Passion – becoming comfortable joking with her students and planning lessons in I Only Have Eyes For You – dealing with lazy students and difficult educational administrators in Go Fish. This episode takes pains to point out Willow’s skills as a teacher, as she is complimented by both Cordelia and Buffy.
“Boy, Willow, you’ve really got the teaching bug: taking over computer class, tutoring…”
Cordelia Chase and Willow Rosenberg, 2×21 Becoming
“I love it. I really do.”
“Will you stop that? You’re not stupid! You’ve just had a lot on your mind. You can learn this real easily, but if you’re just gonna give up, then don’t waste my time.”
Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers, 2×21 Becoming
“Wow. You really are a good teacher.”
It is often commented – correctly – that it is strange for a school to let a seventeen year old with no teaching qualifications take over and teach a class for (if episode air dates can be trusted as roughly equivalent to in-universe chronology) almost four months. This odd divergence from reality can be forgiven if the show is, as I suspect it was, cheating a little bit to set up a future arc for Willow as an educator and provider of information. A teacher, or a watcher.
Making Willow an employee of the High School puts her on the same social power level as Giles, and positions her as a figure of authority. It sets up some interesting alternate timelines for the show. Perhaps there is one in which the show stayed wedded to the High School, and Season Four saw Willow becoming a teacher, Giles staying a librarian, and Buffy being… oh, I don’t know, a guidance counsellor or something. Perhaps there is a timeline in which Giles leaves earlier, or dies, and Willow takes his role as Buffy’s watcher. Whatever may have occurred in these timelines, it definitely seems like something is being seeded here.
Whatever is being seeded, we know that it does not blossom. Her brief teaching career dissipates after this episode, and she never makes any headway into learning to be a Watcher – an arc that is (somewhat) granted instead to Dawn in Season Seven. She retains her role as Tech Guy, though that too will gradually fade, and be eclipsed by the role we most instinctively now associated with Willow Rosenberg – that of the Witch.
Willow’s connection to magic forms such a central part of her character going forward that it’s strange to remember that it wasn’t a part of her character from the start. It only really became a part in the last quarter of this season. We saw her perform her first spell in Passion (the de-invitation spell), attempt to lead the exorcism in I Only Have Eyes For You, and in this episode immediately establish that she’s been learning magic from Jenny’s leftover notes and some extracurricular research. This arc has been subtly building for a few episodes, so it feels natural when Willow suggests that she might be able to re-soul Angel – but it has only really been a few episodes. And yet, from here on, it will define her.
It’s interesting that all three of the potential paths that Willow can take at this point – Tech Guy, Teacher, and Witch – all also apply to Jenny Calendar: computing teacher and techno-pagan extraordinaire. There’s an underacknowledged influence that Jenny has clearly had on Willow, as whatever path Willow takes, it will be one that follows somewhat in her footsteps. She is subsuming any role that Jenny had in the show. This is interesting, though it does also make me pause and take notice of the numerous hints given that Willow had a crush on Giles at some point. Subsequently, I become relieved that, if it was ever considered, the show never went down the direction of Willow taking Jenny’s role as Giles’ love interest.
The crossroads of these all paths appears in the scene in which Willow is tutoring Buffy. After encouraging her not to give up (a moment of demonstrating her role as Buffy’s Spirit) and being complimented on her teaching skills, something incredibly significant happens.
Buffy’s pencil rolls off the desk.
This is one of those “small moments” that change the trajectory of both Buffy’s and Willow’s lives. The pencil rolls off the desk, and falls beside Chekhov’s Floppy Disk, therefore allowing them to find Angel’s cure. This has massive ramifications for Buffy’s journey of course, but it’s also what prompts Willow to perform her first big solo spell, and put her firmly on the Witch path. In the next scene, she offers to perform the spell, and in doing so sets the course of her entire life. Her fate is changed forever, by something as small as a little yellow pencil.
Willow is initially uncomfortable with the responsibility the spell puts on her, in a way that will be mirrored in two later apocalypses, when she is tasked with performing a spell vital to stopping the Big Bad that they are up against.
“I don’t wanna be our only hope! Uh, I crumble under pressure! Let’s have another hope.”
Willow Rosenberg, 2×21 Becoming
“I’m your – no, I-I was never a gun. Someone else should be the gun. I, I could be a, a cudgel. Or, or a pointy stick.”
Willow Rosenberg, 5×22 The Gift
“This goes beyond anything I’ve ever done. It’s a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my girlfriend has a pierced tongue kind of way.”
Willow Rosenberg, 7×22 Chosen
The main difference here is that in Becoming and The Gift, Willow fears that she won’t be up to the task given to her – that she doesn’t have the necessary power. That she won’t be able to open the door. By the time we get Chosen, she fears that she has too much power. This is because of the events of Season Six. Because of how her power overtook her in Grave, she is uncomfortable from an entirely different angle. She knows she can open the door, and knows the danger that lurks behind it. This is the journey that her dabbling with magic will take her on.
Willow’s magic is not only related to her power level, but to her sexuality – and both will change over the course of the series. Right now she is dating Oz and has Xander telling her that he loves her, but by Season Four, she will leave both behind, fall in love with Tara, and come out as a lesbian. Not only is magic firmly metaphorically linked to her lesbianism, and the love she shares with Tara, but it also literally facilitates it. She meets Tara through their mutual membership in the Wicca group at which they are both hoping to expand their magical power, and they make their first connection through the spell to move a vending machine that they perform together. By performing the spell in this episode and moving into the role of the Witch, Willow puts herself on the path to falling in love, and realising her sexuality as a lesbian.
The tragic element to this is that this love is still couched in Willow’s tragically low self-esteem, and her need for others to recognise her worth. She loves Tara, and specifically she loves the way Tara makes her feel: like a person with value. When she loses Tara, she loses all sense of self-worth. That is specifically what opens the door to the darkness within her. The power can overcome her then, because she no longer has someone to assign her the value she feels she lacks.
“The only thing Willow was ever good for – the only thing I had going for me – were the moments, just moments, when Tara would look at me. And I was wonderful.”
Willow Rosenberg, 6×21 Two To Go
Her journey does not start in the library, when Willow first offers to do the spell. At that point, she is unsure how much use it’ll really be, and is mainly just offering herself as a tool for Buffy to potentially use. She doesn’t fully believe in her own strength yet.
The true turning point comes later, in the hospital, when the initial ensouling attempt has failed, and Willow makes the decision to try it again. This time, she isn’t just following Buffy’s lead, but actively choosing her own path. This is a Big Moment – a Choice. There is a growing sense of self-confidence here, albeit one that is still rooted in proving value to other people. She resolves to believe in her own power, and that she can use her power to be a genuine asset.
And what power it is. We see during the ritual Willow initially begin to struggle and falter, before she is suddenly overcome with some power. She focuses intensely and chants in Romanian, as if she is possessed. She talks later about how she “felt something go through [her]”, cementing the idea that there was some mysterious force taking hold of her in that moment – that she was not entirely in control.
It is never made clear in the show exactly what this force is. Some fans have suggested that it is the Powers That Be, intervening to make sure that Angel is given a soul and will end up on their side. This interpretation makes a certain kind of sense, but I’m not a fan of it. I think it takes away from the meaning of this moment: a moment of ascension for Willow, in which she comes into and realises her own power. This is a huge moment for Willow, which sets the course of her life, and I think that moment should belong to Willow alone.
So instead, I would suggest that the force possessing Willow in this moment is… Willow. She is drawing upon her own innate, untapped power, and bringing it to the surface in all its primal ferocity. I suggest that it’s not dissimilar to the way that the conjoining spell in Primeval “possesses” Buffy – using all of the Scoobies’ powers to maximise Buffy’s. This is just a one-woman version of that, where Willow’s own magic is taking possession of her to maximise her own power. This won’t be the last time that this happens. This is essentially what Dark Willow is.
Most of Willow’s most morally grey actions in Season Six are driven by a need to prove herself useful; to justify her existence by “helping” others, whether that “help” was asked for (or actually helpful) or not. Her over-use of magic, bringing Buffy back from the dead, wiping Tara’s memory – even destroying the world is intended as a twisted kind of help; a euthanasiac service she is providing to the rest of humanity. Her problem in Grave isn’t that she’s being controlled by Evil Magicks, but that her own fundamental driving motivation is taking control of her. In the absence of any sense of self-worth, her worst devils take control. She is, effectively, being possessed by herself.
This is what is meant when Giles tells her that this power “may open a door [she] may not be able to close”. She’s opening the door to herself; to her own power, her best qualities, and her worst instincts. The character traits that drive her have been in place for a while, but now she has the knowledge, skill, and role within the show that allow her to be the person she will become. The moment that Willow decides to try the spell again, she puts herself on the path to being a witch, to falling in love with Tara, to nearly destroying the world, to changing the world. She is still just at the doorway now, but she has crossed the threshold, and now we all get to see what’s on the other side.
* * *
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this piece, please consider supporting me on Ko-Fi!
* * *
Insect Reflection 
This is an amazing, straight to the point analysis of Willow’s journey.
I had never realised the connection between this episode’s main topic (moments that change your life etc) and Willow’s future Witch identity, since she had used magic before, but you’re completely right.
Never thought about how she follows Jenny’s steps either, that’s a very smart observation.
And lastly, I also liked the comment on how every time she “overdoses” magic in the 6th season she’s actually trying to help (even when she tries to the world, she does it out of a very pessimistic view on what the world has to offer, but not out of greediness, thirst of vengeance or wanting to let evil lose).
Anyway, congratulations on the post! I’ll continue reading 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much! Hope you enjoy the rest of the reflections 🙂
LikeLike
These are excellent writings!
One thing I wanted to add is that I think it’s significant that Willow only goes through with the ritual after she’s nearly been murdered and is knocked unconscious. She tends to get these big power-ups after traumatic events, and this is a big one — the ep plays with the idea that she might really not wake up (we know better, but Xander doesn’t), and leaves her in a wheelchair at the end for emphasis.
[I think the other dramatic purpose of having Willow be *so* injured (and having Xander sit by her bedside) is to give more motivation for Xander to lie to her — even though he’s also betraying the woman in the hospital bed, I think a part of him has the brush with losing Will on his mind when he makes the judgment call that he’d rather not risk anymore Angel.]
I think Willow’s conscious intent is to help Angel, but the actual spell *is* a curse, and of course narratively it will both save and damn him simultaneously. I think Willow would only be really capable of doing the spell once she is able to access that buried part of her that genuinely wants to hurt Angel(us) for the sake of justice/vengeance. This requires *almost* being killed, and being knocked unconscious anyway, I think — she has to not just identify with Jenny and the Romani but to almost be one of them, in a way, to have almost been killed by Angelus’ evil plot. She kind of becomes a vessel for all the people Angelus hurt, while still consciously wanting to help Angel. I think it’s a great first major spell for Willow because the desire to help and harm are fused together and so as you say it has the seeds for both her darkest and lightest selves.
LikeLike
(That is, for Xander to lie to Buffy.)
LikeLike